The act of caregiving has been going on for centuries. What has changed is that many people are living away from their families. If you are a long distance caregiver, you are not alone. Nearly 7 million Americans manage care for an older relative or friend who lives at a distance.
A person may be willing to give up a great deal in order to live independently in their own home. Older persons should maintain control over their own decision making as long as there is no threat to their physical and mental well-being. Talk with your relative about your concerns. Be careful not to anger or make your loved one defensive; rather involve your relative in recognizing and solving the problem(s) at hand. Remember your relative’s perception of the situation may be very different from yours. You may think your loved one is no longer capable of performing certain tasks, when, in fact, all that is needed is more time for your relative to complete the task. Identify the type of help your relative thinks is needed and would be willing to accept. Remember to be sensitive and caring and treat your loved one with respect. Ask yourself, how would I feel if my relative was getting involved in my personal life?
CREATING A PLAN OF CARE Together with your relative create a plan of care that may include both informal and formal supports.
Informal Support: Other family members may already be (or want to be) involved in the care of your relative. Meet with your family members to decide how to work together effectively as a team. Also, identify friends, neighbors and members of groups to which your relative may belong and who may be available to provide assistance. Try not to overwhelm people, but be sure to openly discuss what types of help they may be willing and able to perform. Keep a list of their phone numbers and addresses. Let them know they can call you collect if they are worried about your loved one. Develop ways to show appreciation and recognition of the help they are giving.
Formal Support: Formal support is provided by public and private agencies that offer professional health and social services for the elderly. Educate yourself about resources and services that are available in your relative’s community by contacting the local Area Agency on Aging. Pima Council on Aging (PCOA) is the Area Agency on Aging serving older adults residing in Pima County. PCOA can help you identify local resources and services as well as connect you with the Area Agencies on Aging serving other geographic locations throughout the United States. Another resource is the Eldercare Locator service (Ph: 1-800-677-1116; Mon.-Fri.; 9am-8pm Eastern Time), a nationwide program that will identify the Area Agency on Aging and other service providers located in your relative’s community.
Communities vary widely in the types of services they offer the elderly. Some considerations include: Are there publicly funded professional services available? If so, are there waiting lists for the services your relative needs? Are there co-payments for these services? What services are privately available? How are services monitored to determine the quality of care being provided?
PREPARING IN ADVANCE You will need to determine how much assistance you are willing and able to provide. You should follow a course that fits your personal strengths, resources and life style. Make the most of visits with your relative. Each visit should be balanced between accomplishing business matters, time to enjoy your loved one’s company, as well as observing and monitoring the overall situation. Since long distance caregiving means regular telephone calls, look into saving plans and discounts on long distance telephone service. You will need to be prepared for emergencies and if necessary be ready to travel at a moments notice. You may want to consider: keeping your car in good repair; making sure you have a valid driver’s license and current auto insurance; collecting current bus, train and airline schedules; and keeping your travel documents current. Put aside money in a special fund to pay for such trips/visits. Assess your caregiving responsibilities considering your other obligations, such as your health, family and work.
BALANCING WORK AND CAREGIVING
You and your employer may want to arrange a schedule for you to take time off every few months to visit your relative. It is better not to wait for a crisis situation but to discuss your plans with your employer in advance. You may have the right to receive Family Medical Leave. The Family Medical Leave Act of 1993, grants employees of firms with more than 50 employees the right to take up to 12 weeks leave of absence without pay in a 12-month period to take care of a child, family member or yourself with a serious illness and still be guaranteed a job and continuation of benefits. You are able to take this leave in portions of time, i.e., a few hours a week, or a day a month, or a week every few months. Check with your employer to see: 1) if your vacation/sick time can be applied to the time you take off, and 2) if you must be employed at your current job for a certain length of time before you are eligible for Family Medical Leave.
RECOGNIZING CRISIS SITUATIONS
In an obvious emergency situation you should get to your loved one quickly. Crisis situations that demand your immediate attention include: a serious accident or medical condition, or if no one has been able to contact your relative. If the situation is not an emergency, you may want to ask yourself the following questions to help determine whether or not a personal visit is necessary:
RELOCATION AS AN OPTION At some point, you may consider moving to be closer to your relative, having your relative relocate to a location within your community, or perhaps having your relative live with you. Talk with your relative about these alternatives in advance, before a crisis situation occurs. Factors to think about include:
your community?
www.soros.org/death/
agingparents.html
Pima Council on Aging
PATHFINDER: A Guide for
helping long distance caregivers to prepare for the
current and future care
of older relatives
Prepared for Pima Council on Aging by the Arizona
Center on Aging, the University of Arizona®